dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
