So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
