You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
