News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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