I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
