Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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