When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
