I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
