he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
