Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
