I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
