there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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