If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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