The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
