I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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