i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
