I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
