You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
