I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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