I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
