shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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