she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
