we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
