I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
