one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
