My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
