I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
