he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i out mim tonsoeep
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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