i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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