To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
