I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
