I will die if light touches me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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