wanna go halves on a baby?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
