i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
