She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
