he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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