Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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