Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
