Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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