Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
