Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
