I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize