Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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