I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
