He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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