Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
