I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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