she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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