fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
