I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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